


Say my Goodbye to the World

by Demoneyedwanderer666



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eren Loves Levi, Ereri Week, F/F, Levi Loves Eren, Levi/Eren Yeager Fluff, M/M, Other, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:06:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demoneyedwanderer666/pseuds/Demoneyedwanderer666
Summary: They met.They struggled, bled, suffered, wept, and conquered.And they fell in love.But can they save each other in the end?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a big ass Ereri nut job and they are just, perfection.I tried my best in writing this and DON'T WORRY, this will definitely have a good end.  
> <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When we were together.

Every morning I hear the faint noises of the birds flying in the sky; and it’s unfortunate that I am unable to name most of them. Some of those sounds are expressively painful, and some of them are melodious to my ears, the mere thought of listening to these sounds in the morning brought me at ease and sorrow at the same time.

But I couldn’t hear them today. Not a single bird flew by, and if they did happen to cross by I failed to hear them at all. Maybe if I had appreciated them before, they would’ve come back? My heart started to swell up inside me, a melancholic sensation started to erupt and it was slowly spreading. My sleepy eyes began to fill up and I tried to weep, my lashes felt even heavier and my mouth was agape but I couldn’t make a sound, it hurt so much. Why?

I run my shaky hand over my soaked face and fail miserably at removing the tears, but as I try and fail again and again I look over to my side of the bed, I see a bare back turned towards me. Suddenly my tears don’t seem to come out anymore, instead I feel a faint but diminutive warmth in my chest and I start grabbing at my unbuttoned shirt unconsciously. I shift to a more comfortable position and lie on my side instead, I look at his back and reflexively reach out to it, the dim sunlight that entered the room was bouncing off of his skin, giving it a more radiant and crystalline shade. The light that reached his shoulder blades had formed a slight shadow, they seemed to look like black deformed wings in my eyes, and my mere imagination had made me pause midway. The bed started to shake a little as he started to shuffle in his state; I drew my hand away because I feared that I might have disturbed him. He starts to twist and turn until he began to lay straight on his back; he then noticed my wide eyes and so he tilted his head even further towards my direction. His tired clear blue eyes had softened as he looked at me, a faint smirk had appeared on his lips and I just look down out of embarrassment, his looks always made me more flustered than usual. His hand begins to graze over my own cold ones and slowly his warm pale hands reach my chin and pull my face upward. My eyes become watery while he looks at me, his thumb gently caressed my chin, and he placed his hand on my cheek and wipes away the tears before they even leave my eyes. I delve into his touch and I place my lips in his hand. I hear a satisfied ‘hmm’ from him and I draw in closer; I bury my face in the nook of his neck and start placing chaste small kisses on his skin. His arms begin to wrap around me and he holds me even closer than before, I closed my eyes and nuzzled even more, I felt so happy in his arms that I could no longer remember why I had been so sad. Nothing felt more safe than him being here with me, he kisses me on my head and starts petting me, I start to laugh like a child when he’s been given a gift, and I could feel his chest tighten, he must be nervous I thought. 

“Heichou?”

“Hmm?” 

“You spoil me quite a lot, I mean.. I always annoy you but you still manage to make me happy” 

“Shut up, no way in hell do I spoil you” he spoke in his gruff tone “I just try my best to make you feel safe”. I giggle under my breath and look upwards. I kiss him on his neck; his Adams apple bobbing in response, my lips trace their way to his chin and then his cheeks. I started blushing at my actions but in no way do I stop. I meet his eyes again and I flash him with a big smile but then my smile began to fade as I saw his expression. A certain cold and hard emotion was glued to his face, and I knew that my happiness was too good to be true. 

“Oi, don’t make that face” he spoke in a soothing tone as he placed his forehead on my own. We don’t break eye contact and we were so close to one another that we could feel each other’s steady breaths. “You know how I make you small promises? Like how I’ll meet you later? Or that I’ll sleep more than 2 hours this time? Or that I won’t get hurt while I’m in pursuit?” I nod in response making sure that I don’t break contact from his skin or his eyes. 

“So can you make me a promise too? Its just one promise okay?” he says in a mellow and emotional tone. I nod even faster this time and I lace our fingers together. I was eager and impatient, but I was scared and anxious about what he was going to say, I wanted to be in his arms again. 

**“You have to promise me that you won’t die.** Do you understand? Can you do that for me?” 

I blinked several times as I looked into his sad eyes, I wanted to say yes more than anything, but it seemed like a promise which was impossible to keep. I gave a slight reassuring nod and he breathed a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes slowly and opened them again. 

“Now remember you shithead this is the only promise I want you to keep, so don’t screw this up alright?” he grinned as he placed his hand under my shirt and on my bare back. His ticklish actions were hard to ignore “Come on, smile. I know you want to” he spoke humorously. I knew that he was trying to cheer me up, and I wanted to believe that he was okay but his random gestures were somewhat suspicious. He kept tickling me on my back and I lunged towards him with full force, I start laughing as I started biting his ear and neck, he was definitely shocked at my reaction but I could feel that my diversion had calmed him down a bit. 

I begin to hear a certain sound from the window, it was definitely a bird, I was sure of it. But even with the sudden noise from the outside world I was not fully convinced that our time together would keep me sane today. I hide my head in his shoulder and quietly say **‘go away’** as I hear their shrieks and screeches. 

**I wished that they had never come at all.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will we be together?

The black smoke created a much more sadistic realm in the skies when I finally came through; the clouds kept getting thicker and heavier every time I blinked, my body had become immensely hot in the mulch I was lying in and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t move. Blood began to fill my eyes and I flinch in despair, I shuffle and move constantly but my arms and legs couldn’t respond.

I started screaming as loud as I could; my choking cries were bound to be heard by someone. After several seconds of trying to get the blood out of my eyes I could see a somewhat clearer image of the sky. It was still dark but it was now mixed with green fumes, were they flares? I wondered. I tilt my throbbing head sideways and see my arm, it was cut open 4, no 5 inches from my shoulder, it was soaked in a crimson shade and the very sight of it made me nauseous. I try to lift myself up without my arms but I only strain myself even further, I suddenly choked and started coughing out thick heaps of blood. My nerves felt twitchy behind my eyes and bile had begun to build up in the pit of my stomach, I wanted to scream for help, or else I was going to lose consciousness. 

**EREN**

I turn towards the sudden sound and open my eyes even wider, my vision was blurry and the only thing that I could see was the smoke. Several figures passed over me but none of them stopped. I was confused and scared for my life, this was our final mission, and I wanted to know if we were able to succeed, if we were able to defeat the beast titan, I wanted to know if everyone was okay. 

Armin, Mikasa, Connie, Jean, Sasha, Hanji… Levi... 

Please someone; tell me if you’re alright. 

Over the distance I hear the wires from an ODM gear being released, I straighten my back and look upwards, a small figured soldier passes by with his gear but he appears to be searching, the quick whirring and slashes in the sky create a cleaner image in my eyes, the blades from his gear appears to be broken and only a small piece of it remained in the soldier’s hands. The shadow got even closer to me before I finally realized who it was. 

“Eren? Eren? Can you hear me?” 

“He- Hei- chou?” 

Levi stood firmly in front of me and finally dropped to his knees; he crawled towards me and brought his face closer to mine. He was covered in dust by the smoke; somehow the powder had stuck to his skin and made him look darker. His blue eyes pierced through my skin and I couldn’t help but remember all the times we looked at each other this way, but this time it was completely different.

Levi started to bite his quivering lips as he looked at my bleeding state and poor excuse of a body. I was so happy to see him but I feared that the last thing that would remain in my head would be his weak condition, the fact that he was showing it to me now was the most painful thing that could happen to me. 

“Why can’t you fucking regenerate? Why can’t your arms move? Why can’t you heal quickly? Why is this falling apart? Eren please we have to move” he went on and on. 

“Heichou, please tell me about the mission. How are the others? Did we succeed? Please! I need to know what happened-” I started to cry out before I started to cough again with even more blood in the process. Levi’s eyes were bulging out more than usual and his mouth was slightly open, I dragged my body towards him and fell in his lap, my tears began to soak his thighs and I buried my head even further in them. 

“W- We won Eren” 

I stopped crying. I placed my chin on his lap and looked up towards him. 

“Mikasa and the others were able to reach the base along with the others; after the beast titan collapsed we we-were able to” he paused to swallow “regroup at the nest, the titans in the nest had all begun to consume one another until none were left alive….” 

My heart began to beat even faster than it did before, were my ears bleeding too? Was I actually hearing this? Did humanity win against the titans? 

“My God, this is amazing…. None survived? All of them are dead?” I wavered as I spoke into his stomach. He gave a small laugh and started patting my head with his shivering hands. 

“Yes. All of them are dead you brat” he spoke in a low voice. Levi started to pull me up from my shoulders, making sure that my arms weren’t damaged even further. I get closer to his wounded face but I started falling again, he placed his hands on my back before I could reach the ground and he started straddling me. His grip grew tighter as he tried to stand up, but his legs had reached their limit and he fell again. 

“I have to get you out of here, damn it this is getting difficult. We’re so damn close...” I hear him curse and speak. Tears began to fall from his eyes and left clear trails on his tired face. My chest began to ache just by looking at him; I dreaded seeing him struggle so much.

“Heichou, you can’t take me with you. Please don’t force yourself…” I started to sob on his shoulder “Please, please go! You can’t risk your life for someone like me! Please! I don’t want you to die here with me! I’m begging you…”

“You’re not fucking quitting on me Eren. You owe me! You fucking owe me!” he screamed as I saw his flushed face with the rotting sky behind him; he placed his hands on my back and underneath my legs and picked me up. He walked a few steps until he stopped again, his chest was heaving and it seemed he was struggling to breathe in the thick black fog. 

“You- can’t fucking die… not you, not you. God not you…” Levi spoke in a hushed tone “you fucking promised me, now that we’ve won you- you can’t…” 

The tears were welling up again and I buried my head in captain’s torn blackened shirt, my blood was soaked into his scent too and I couldn’t breathe. 

“I’m sorry I failed you. **I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry- I’ve failed you, I’ve failed- I’ve failed. God I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”** I kept filling these words in his ears as I kept crying like a child; my cheeks were burning by the dried up cuts and warm tears tracing them, I wanted to be cradled and caressed by this man holding my dead body. I couldn’t fulfill his wishes as a loyal subordinate. I deserved this punishment, IdeserveditIdeserveditIdeservedit. 

I deserved to rot. 

“D-don’t say that! Shut up Eren! Shut up!” he screeched as he held me even closer to his chest. My body grew stiff and my throat began to dry up as I stayed quiet in his trembling arms, Levi slowly placed me on the ground and started to search his jacked pockets and belt, in his left hand he slowly pulled out a flare gun and pointed it upwards. 

The flare pushed its way through the fog and into the black sky, the color red began to overpower the black smolder and the pellet split even more with the pressure. After erupting completely the red light began to stretch out like veins. “Someone has to see that, it’s our only shot… Eren? Are you with me?” Levi questioned as he drew in closer. My face was still and I couldn’t even blink anymore, my swollen tongue traced the back of my teeth as I struggled to utter a simple word. My eyes had begun to sting and the tears fell again once more, please… please… make this go away, I thought. 

“Eren don’t you fucking leave me here! You still have a promise to keep... remember? Eren please… damn it please say something… Eren!” he cried as his hands reached my neck **“Eren, we finally got our chance. We can finally be together… come on- we finally have a chance now.Please don’t do this. Wake up you selfish brat… please wake up. Help will be here, just stay with me… you fucking idiot”**

I swear to God, I was trying. My lungs seemed like they exploded and I couldn’t breathe anymore, but I still tried. 

I wanted to keep my promise, I wanted to make him tea again, I wanted to clean his sheets and clothes again, I wanted to sleep beside him again, I wanted to talk to him again, I wanted to touch him again, I wanted to tell him that I love him; but I just **CAN’T**

I just can’t. 

I saw him losing his composure, his teeth gritted and a ferocious rage in his eyes… but even with his strength he kept crying out. His mouth kept opening and closing but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I wanted to say so many things, Heichou I’ll be fine, Heichou I’m not really worth it, Heichou please don’t cry for my sake, Heichou I’m not dying, Heichou I’m not a child, Heichou… Heichou… please Heichou, please don’t leave me. 

**I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve always loved you. I still love you. Please… oh please don’t let me leave you.**

My ribs didn’t expand for my lungs anymore, I felt the blood in my veins dry out; I could hear the screams again. Levi shook me constantly and slapped my face several times but I could give no reaction. He continued to do it until I couldn’t move at all. 

The Corporal’s eyes had become narrow, dead and burned out. He looked at the stiffened body that once enjoyed his touch, Levi had stopped crying and he slowly placed his head on Eren’s blood soaked chest. He heard absolutely nothing, and why did he think that he would? The body felt hollow and smaller as his head rested on it, every part of his existence had left and this body had just acted as a mere shell. 

“No. No. No. No. No. No” he began to say. 

The sounds of numerous shuffling footsteps begin to reach the man and the corpse he laid his head on. 

“Eren- Eren I- I’m so sorry. I asked too much of you… I’m sorry. Please just come back. I’m sorry Eren. I’m sorry…” Levi started to moan. The red flare had become even dimmer in the sky, and the black fog had started to escape as he held him in his arms. 

**I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO WRITE, UGH MY POOR HEART.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want us to be together.

“The 159th expedition beyond the walls had proven to be our most successful one to date, not only were we able to slay the beast titan but none of its minions managed to survive either. “ Hanji spoke as she held a cup in her right hand, her body felt quite stiff and unusually still while she spoke about the events that took place. She slid her glasses much further onto the bridge of her nose while she placed her cup down on the table. Her bandaged hand reached out for the sheet of paper that was placed in front of her.

“It might have been a decade since I had joined the survey corps and became a soldier, and all this time I was obsessed and infatuated by these monstrosities, the mere thought of finally understanding how they came into being and how they were capable of such strength and power, had possessed me” she continued as she looked into her slightly torn page “but even with our victory it was a loss for me. I could not capture any of the titans that were under the influence of the beast titan’s; and because of that they made sure that we never find out what had happened in the previous life. Every titan in that nest had slaughtered and devoured each other, and they had buried the vital information along with them.” 

Everyone around the table fell silent; no one could even hear themselves breathe anymore. Mikasa kept her gaze lowered as she clenched her scratched fists in her lap, the shock and stress had gotten to her and it was taking its toll on her skin and eyes. Armin quietly sat beside her while he traced circles on the wooden table, as if he was pretending not to hear a single word Hanji was saying. Jean, Connie and Sasha also remained still in their seats, their eyes barely open, the light colored tea had become cold in their cups and no one had uttered a word since they arrived. I steadily held my cup in my hands before I set it down on the table again; I looked up towards Hanji and see her struggling to speak even further. 

“I-In the end, ahem, it seems that we might never know what had happened before and how these titans came into being. But what’s fortunate is that we can finally be at peace with the world. No one has to suffer anymore, and all the comrades that we have lost will finally have served a purpose for the future of humanity. I thank you all for staying with us through thick and thin. You are truly the heroes mankind needed” Hanji finished her speech and stepped out of the dining room in an abrupt haste, leaving me alone with all of the damn kids. 

The deafening silence was consuming all of us in this room, I drank my black tea and stood up to leave, I couldn’t even stand being in a room where Eren wasn’t in, without him rambling and screaming every second the whole room felt haunted to me, it seemed that… everything had died with him. 

“Heichou!”

I turn around to see the Ackerman girl walk towards me, her hand clenching on the scarf around her neck and her face bathed in her tears “E- Eren. A- About his funeral, when can it be arranged?” she spoke in a hushed tone. The sudden realization had made my heart wrench unexpectedly, I kept looking at her for a few seconds before I could fully understand what she had asked for. “It’s better if we arrange it as soon as possible. It took us five days to bring the body here too, so tomorrow would be a better choice. I’ll talk to Hanji for a coffin and proper burial.” I answered while I turned my back towards her; somehow talking about a proper funeral for him was so absurd and strange to me. 

“T-Thank you so much.” 

“By the way, since it can be arranged for tomorrow who will be the one to, err- wash the body? And it would be better if a man would clean him. So any volunteers?” I questioned the whole room, but none of them had given a reply, I could see that Mikasa was willing to help but Armin had begun to hold her back and shake his head, to which she had stepped back. Jean began to mutter “I’m not touching him” under his breath and Connie kept pretending that he couldn’t hear me. In the end it was me who had agreed to do the job, I left them in the room and went towards Hanji’s office to talk to her about the current situation. Not only did she agree to the terms but she had given me an extra pair of clothes to dress Eren in, it was a buttoned white shirt with a collar and with it a pair of loose black pants. They seemed a little larger for his stature but this was not the time to complain about trivial issues. 

“Levi, you don’t have to do this. Someone else can do-“Hanji spoke as she saw my reaction towards the clothes in my hands. 

“I’ve already tried that. And…I think it should be me who needs to do this.” I held the clothes even tighter in my hands as I walked away. Hanji had stretched out her hands but I had already left the room. As I walked away I could hear her say “I’m sorry”, and at that moment I truly understood what despair was. 

**Why was she saying sorry? I’m the one who should say it, not only to Eren but to everyone else too. I wasn’t the only one who lost him, it was the others too, so why am I the one acting so selfish towards him?**

...................................................... 

I brought the water in several buckets to fill in the tub, my sleeves were rolled up and my boots had become uncomfortable because of the wetness, the others were asleep in their dorms so I tried to be as quiet as possible. The table where he laid was just a few feet away from me, the white cloth and bandages tied around his body still cling to him as if he was never to be released again. I grab the scissors and start cutting the knots and dirty bandages on his face and arms; I couldn’t understand how we were able to bring him back without letting the flies get to him. 

Mikasa had been crying that day too, she had fallen to the ground and started dragging Eren towards herself. She kept screaming and crying into his ears as I stepped back to give her the space she needed. My brain had failed to function as the commotion took place in front of me and I had quietly limped towards the rest of the group. Her face had swollen up with all of her screaming, Armin also wanted to touch Eren in some way but he did not dare interrupt Mikasa while she held him. Certain resentment overpowered my thoughts when I heard her scream his name again and again and again and AGAIN. That day Mikasa claimed that Eren’s body was not going to be left in that shithole and that she wanted a proper burial for him back at the base, none of my soldiers received a proper funeral because they were devoured, the veins in my head popped when I looked at Eren’s disheveled face, the twinge in my heart returned again and it was difficult to repress my emotions in front of everyone else so I just hid behind the other members. In the end I along with the others had agreed to take him back with caution. Five days I saw his bandaged body travel with me, I endured it, all of it, just like I’ve always done. 

The bandages finally separated from his toned skin and I could finally see his face. His lips were parted and his eyes were closed shut, it didn’t look like a corpse at all. I cut the other pieces of his ripped clothing and carry him to the tub. He felt light and fragile in my tired arms, and I tried my best not to look directly at him, as if he was actually glaring at me right now. 

I placed him in the tub gently, and with his weight the water level had risen and engulfed my fingers along with him. With everything that was going on I suddenly realized that the water temperature was warm, perfect warmth that would soothe your muscles in an instant. I scoff at my stupidity because I had preheated the water out of habit, I failed to see that Eren couldn’t sense these things anymore. 

I start walking towards the shelf and take out several sponges and soaps for the bath, I drag a stool with my left leg as I carried the items to my spot in front of the tub. I sit down and dip the sponge in the water present in a small clean bowl next to me; I carry the swollen object and drag it along Eren’s face. The cuts seem smaller now and the dried up blood began to fall from his face, his eyes still seemed big even if they were closed, and in my heart I still wanted to believe that he was sleeping. I bite my lip and begin to sniffle as my hands begin to scrub his arms. It was so damn difficult to clean him even though he was still. My eyes begin to fill up again and I let out a shout. I throw the sponge into the tub and hold my head in my hands; I tried to drain out my sobs and mourns with my hands but I couldn’t contain myself.

**“Why?” I breathed “Why did it have to be you?”**

I wipe my hands on my face and pick up the heavy sponge, I squeeze it just to get some of the aggression out of me, I started to use the soap and create lather in his hair and on his chest. His ribs were more prominent and it was strange not to see him breathe in front of me again, my tears kept flowing and I kept on cleaning him. The water had become murky and red as I cleaned and scrubbed every inch of his body, I washed his hair twice just so I could have something more to do with his body. It was late and it seemed that the sun would rise in a few hours; I held him in my arms and lifted him easily. His long legs dangled and moved slightly with every step I took, and I kept looking at his delicate face. I placed him on one of the beds in Hanji’s examination rooms; I lifted his legs upwards and brought his clothes closer so that I could start dressing him. I placed the wet towels elsewhere and slide him in the black pants easily, they complimented his legs and it had fit him perfectly even though they were a little long on him. I lifted him from his back so that I could place the shirt and button him from the front, but his face fell onto the corner of my neck because I dis-balanced his slightly larger form. The sudden touch had startled me and I had stayed still as his cold lips touched my skin, I placed my hand in his wet hair and ran my fingers through them, hoping to get a reaction somehow. 

But nothing happened. 

I put my hands on his back and start kissing him; I kissed his head and his ear and his neck and his beautiful face. My hands unconsciously straddle him and my thumb started making circles under his chin. 

He always loved it when I did that, I thought. 

I had this uncontrollable urge to bring him with me, to keep him hidden from everyone. I couldn’t stand the thought of being separated from him, my body began to tremble and shiver slightly as I kept him in a tight embrace. I couldn’t even think straight; somehow I still believed that this was all just a nightmare, a sickening dream that had trapped me in a paradox of some kind; I bury my head in his broad shoulders and I start placing passionate kisses on them. The room was filled with my blubbering moans and hums as I kept kissing him, the sounds coming from my body did not seem human at all, and it was a disgusting feeling. I lace my fingers in his and just keep them there for several minutes, my tears fall on our hands and for a brief moment I believed that Eren was tightening his grip on my pale fingers, and that somehow he knows that I’m here waiting for him.

I start to cry again, but only voiceless ones, I strained my voice so much that my throat had started to throb in pain. I kiss him on his forehead and I placed my chin on top of his head. 

“How will I be able to see you if you’re going to be ten feet under? How will I be able to take care of you when you’ll be down there? You expect me to be okay after all of this? Huh?” I speak into his clean soft hair “Eren, I don’t want them to bury you, I don’t want you to be somewhere I can’t see you. Please let this be a dream. I’m begging you… Please” 

I breathe slowly and Eren moves along with me, I give out a struggling sigh and I start biting my lips again, I run my hands through his hair and place my hand on his cheek. The bath had warmed his skin and he felt even more lifelike in the process, I kiss his lips and part from him slowly as I placed him down on the bed once more. 

I take a step backward and watch him lie there; his arms and legs lay straight and he remained expressionless. I didn’t want to leave him there alone; I didn’t want him to leave me here all alone. I fold my arms and start taking deep breathes until I start to hear whispers and murmurs from the window, out of suspicion I pull the curtains away to see, the ground was dry just the way we left it, the outside world looked even dimmer with the emerging morning light, I saw the sun rising across the distance and the light slowly began to invade the castle grounds. I look up towards the sky and see two birds fly, they were twirling and teasing one another as they flew, I didn’t know what kind of birds they were but somehow they had caught my attention. They were humming and crooning melodiously with each twist, their tunes had seemed so familiar and nostalgic but I failed to realize what it reminded me of. 

With the dawn approaching I gather up my strength to walk out of this room, I clench my fists and turn around to see him one last time but I end up staring at him instead. The dim sunlight had reached his bed and his skin shone even more brightly than it did before, his eyelashes sparkled and his lips shone beautifully as he was enveloped in the yellow glow. I give out a small laugh and begin to smile, I had never seen him look so beautiful and graceful, and it sickens me that I could never tell him that. 

I walk towards him and cover his face with a white sheet, I kiss his lips one last time through the thin cloth, and a strange sensation had filled up inside of me as my lips felt warm and dry on his covered lips. After peeling myself away from him I start to walk backwards and towards the wooden door. The sound of my boots was soft on the stone flooring; I straightened my back and I give him a salute, just like he would when he would see me with that moronic smile plastered on his face. 

“You’ve saved me Eren, in countless ways. I can’t even begin to describe how much you made an impact in my life, but I guess I’ll never have the chance… I’m so damn proud of you. I’m so damn proud of us… and it may seem shitty now but I know that you’re somewhere much better than this, and I forbid you to have any kind of fun until I’m there with you. So don’t get ahead of yourself you shitty brat…” I heaved a deep sigh before I continued “it was my duty to look after you, and I intend on doing that even now, you understand? You are my soldier, my subordinate, and you’ll always be that way for me.” 

**“I love you, and the truth is this sucks. It absolutely sucks without you here… I love you… I love you… Eren”**

My salute had weakened and I had become a mess again, it was baffling to think that he was not going to be in front of me like this anymore, I couldn’t hear him anymore, I couldn’t hear anything anymore. **He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead…**

 **Eren?**

 **

Eren... 

How can I love you if you’re ten feet under? 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hurting myself as i continue writing this xD AAAAAHHH Hopefully I'll get even better :3 I hope you enjoyed it so far and it'll be a happy ending! I promise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can finally be together.

_“Eren, I never thought I’d see the day where I had to talk to you like this, in a casket no less. I feel so ashamed of myself, you were my best friend and I couldn’t protect you, even for my own selfish reasons… all of the promises we made each other as kids doesn’t matter anymore. Our dream for a better world is finally here, but you’re not here anymore. So is there really a point for me to see the ocean alone? All alone?”_

Armin? 

__

_“Eren, even though I’ve spent more than half of my life with you, it wasn’t enough. Ever since you wrapped your scarf around me that day I could never be the same again. Without you I would’ve gone insane, even now I think I might crack. But if I lose myself now ill end up loosing every memory of you, if I lose myself now how will I be able to remember you?”_

Mikasa. I’m- 

_“You were a pain in the ass no doubt; I always thought your crazy obsession with killing titans would be the death of you. I guess I was right after all, but you managed to save us all in the process. I’ll never forget what you have done for us, for me. You may have been a hot tempered asshole but you’re the kind of asshole that I look up to. Thank you Eren… thank you”_

Jean?

The inside of my neck was swollen and it throbbed in pain; I could feel my hands convulse and an annoying itch had spread all over my body. Out of frustration I shake in the limited space I was confined in, my mind couldn’t comprehend where I was at the moment but the suffocating aura had started to make me panic. I could hear footsteps very close by and I forced my still body to shuffle or move in some way. The extra effort had started to get to me and I was out of breath within seconds, the sweat from my brows had begun falling and I still couldn’t open my eyes. I opened my eyelids a little but my actions had caused an electrifying spasm in the nerves in my sockets. I hissed in pain and I started breathing heavily again, I wanted to get out of here as soon as I could. I knew that this was going to be bad and that if I didn’t act now I would never see the light of day any time soon. 

I wanted to see him again.

I dauntlessly began moving my hands; I placed them gently below me and kept them moving until I could find an exit of some sort. My surroundings seemed like it was made out of wood and a sudden fear took over me when I finally conjectured where I was. I have to act quickly. 

I shut my eyes even more tightly as I came into position in the small space, I pointed my right elbow upwards and kept it still for a brief moment, I straightened my back and brought my legs closer to my chest no matter how painful it was to do so. I take a deep breath and try to break through with the minute strength that I had left. I pounded three times before my shoulder began to pulse by the discomfort; the sudden strain on my tired body had me wincing miserably. I had to get out, this was my only chance, I thought. I calm myself and try again, only with my left elbow this time. 

**Bam! Bam! Bam!**

I hear a cracking sound from above and I take it as my queue to push even further, I hit the wooden surface again and again and again until I felt some kind of warmth on my chest. I try prying my eyes open this time but I could only get a glimpse of my body and the mere crack I had made above me. This time I clenched my fists instead; I could hear shuffling around me but the footsteps were much farther away than they were before, it didn’t seem like a good sign. I whimper as I prepare my unsteady hands and clench them, I started hitting the wood and hear the sound of it breaking get louder and louder. The casket seemed as if it was shrinking and devouring me already, I’m beginning to get scared and the sudden rise in blood pressure had gone to my head. I constantly kept hitting as my hands become infested with splinters but even so I keep on hitting constantly. 

After what seemed like ages I could hear a huge part of the wood split open, the warmth had filled inside the casket even more than it did before and I start gulping in even more air as a result. Before I continued I could feel the remaining wood pry open and a shade had appeared above me. My body was brimming with contented warmth as I rested my arms and straightened out my legs. I could hear them calling my name and asking if I could hear them, I gave them a weak nod and dozed off without even realizing it. 

**I’m here, I’m here. I can finally see you again.**

....................................... 

I had woken up several hours later, this time my eyes didn’t burden me as much and I could finally see clearly, I was startled while I was half awake as Mikasa and Armin had fallen down on me and embraced me with their sobbing faces. With both of their heads resting on my shoulders I place my head in between theirs and smile like an idiot, I look up and see Hanji, Jean, Sasha and Connie glaring at me, but in a good way. Hanji had the warmest smile on her face and I just flashed my teeth at her in response, it felt so good to see them all well and happy. Jean started scoffing and saying how I still acted like a prick even when I was dead, I just smirk at him and ignore his words. I guess he still thought I didn’t hear him because I was presumably ‘dead’. 

Hanji began to explain what she had examined while I was unconscious, she said that even though I had immense internal injury all of my wounds were healed, not only were the cuts and bruises gone but none of my ribs or arms appeared to be broken either. She couldn’t understand how I was able to come back, so she came up with a theory that even due to my comatose state my body had resumed functioning and hence I regenerated during that timeframe. No one could grasp over what had happened to me, Hanji feared that my body might have undergone some negative changes in the process but thankfully she found nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone rejoiced when she told us this and even Hanji herself was happy about the results, Connie brought in a tray with my food on it, he apologized because Sasha had somehow gotten her hands on a piece of my bread but I told him not to worry. Mikasa and Armin gave me my space as I placed the tray in front of me, looking at the pale colored soup and somewhat stale bread I look around the room again. 

He wasn’t there. 

“Heichou isn’t here…” I said without even realizing it. Embarrassed over how loud I was I start to blush and reflexively run my hands on my face, as if pretending to be tired and still half awake. 

“I kept knocking at his door but he didn’t open, I called out to him too but he didn’t answer either. So I just told him about your scenario outside the door, I guess he was sleeping so I just wrote a small note and slid it under his door too just in case he didn’t hear me. He’ll read it sooner or later” Hanji replied as she adjusted her frames. I looked at her with my half lidded eyes and gave her a small ‘okay’ in response. 

“He didn’t even bother coming to your funeral Eren. He’s been locked up in his room for several hours now. He’s fine so don’t think about meaningless things and just focus on getting your health back.” Mikasa said as she brought my tray closer to me, indicating that I should eat already. I was really disappointed when she told me that he had not even come to say goodbye, but I knew there was something else. I said that I would go to his room and see if he’s alright after I was done with my meal but Hanji and Mikasa strictly forbid me to leave the bed, apparently I was on bed rest for a few more days and I just whined over the thought of staying in one place all over again.

After I had finished eating Hanji had advised me to go back to sleep again, I told her that I would definitely try and with that she and the others began to leave the room, Mikasa and Armin were really hesitant to leave me alone but I had told them I was aright and that I just needed to sleep again. With that the room was empty again and their footsteps started to drown out as they went downstairs. I looked towards my left and saw the candle dimming beside me; with a little effort I slid off the bed and walked towards the table where a bowl was placed. The others had filled it with water and left it for me, I felt so relieved when I splashed my face with the cold water, it soothed the pain in my eyes and I felt wide awake again. A few mint leaves were left beside the bowl for me, I bet it was Mikasa who had done that. I took the leaves and started biting on them a little at a time, and when I was done chewing I let it stay in my mouth. I then take in the water from the bowl and start gargling, my teeth started to ache by the sudden coolness and a ticklish stir had begun on my tongue. I spat out the remaining water in a wooden cup and released a huge sigh, frustrated and impatient as I was I ran my fingers through my slightly tangled hair and let them stay there. 

**I’ll be waiting for you.**

………………………………………………………… 

I couldn’t sleep even though I had told everybody that I would, I couldn’t even walk around in my room for long because my legs gave up on me too quickly. My back remained still on the bed stand and I crossed my arms angrily. I was worried and furious at the same time, the castle grounds were pitch black and everyone seemed to be asleep, it had gotten pretty late and I had prepared a new candle because I didn’t intend on being asleep when Levi would come. 

I was still hopeful that he was going to come, he had to right? No one could enter his bedroom and if anyone ever did then it would be his funeral. That’s why Hanji didn’t bother entering either, but his attitude had started to terrorize my thoughts; I had a right to know if he was okay, and if something were to happen to him then…. 

I started shaking my head wildly so that my paranoia left me somehow, he was a strong and disciplined man and I didn’t expect him to lose his composure either. But even for the short time that I have known him I knew that even he was truly human, he always looked stoic and impenetrable to others but somehow he had opened up his heart to me, and I was so proud of the fact that he chose me to be his equal. I place my hand on my chest and press it down, my heart was racing to an insane amount and I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t contain myself anymore, the curiosity and urge to see him look at me again was taking control over my thoughts. 

Before I could leave the bed I hear a faint sound in my ears, I didn’t know where it was coming from but it was getting closer and louder. 

_Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak._

They were footsteps, I was sure of it. It was coming from the staircase and they were getting faster and heavier with every step. I jump off and place a hand on the side table so that I could get some kind of support. I placed both of my hands on the table and stand on my trembling legs. I hear the door open behind me but I do not turn around, I hear panting and billowing from the person who entered my room, overjoyed by his sounds I closed my eyes slowly and smile, I could tell by his gasps that he had woken up and started running towards my room as soon as he could. 

“I kept my promise” I answered with teary eyes. 

**I kept my promise**

 **I kept it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it so far! It's so weird when people read my work, but its so exciting too :p  
> I thank you guys so much for your appreciation, It really means a lot.  
> There will be some extra fluff in the last chapter, I promise <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are together.

I took a step back even with my shivering body and crossed my arms, as heavy as it felt I turned around slowly and looked at an exasperated Levi. His hand was placed on the wall beside him and he was still panting, his eyes were wide as he kept glaring at me in utter shock and disbelief, he was so frozen in place that I started to believe that his body had shut down.

“Heichou?” I called out to him, fearful for my own condition in the process. 

Levi darted towards me with such agile speed that I had lost site of him even though the room was extremely small. His body had pushed me in the process but I was still able to hold my ground, his hands began to forage my back and soon he dug his fingers in; he buried his head in my chest and I could feel him struggle through his breaths, I tried to draw myself away so that I could look at him but he started clinging onto me even more. His hair was slightly messy and his shirt was wrinkled and chaotic, was he really the Captain I knew? 

“You piece of shit” He cried. 

No doubt about it. 

Heichou’s breathing seemed abrupt and rapid, I could feel a moist warmth trail down on my shirt but I still remained still. It was my dumb ass that had made him feel this way after all, I thought. The pain from his fingers was sensual and alluring to me and it made him absolutely irresistible, Heichou’s head shuffled and he kissed my neck and he started unbuttoning me, I was a little flattered but equally terrified but instead I give him more access, he starts placing warm kisses along my collar bone, his bites were more forceful and precise than usual but I didn’t tell him to stop, not that he would listen to me anyways. 

His kisses were deep, passionate and completely randomized on my neck, he started moving upwards and he started kissing me behind my ears, his face was slightly wet by his tears but the color in his pale skin had returned. Heichou was maniacal with his lips, he was kissing me and leaving small but visible bruises on my neck and collar bone, I wanted to look at him but he refused to slow down. Small amounts of pain started to erupt and my legs couldn’t hold me any longer, without realizing it I started to fall on him, but he kept a tight grasp and he held me effortlessly. I lost some consciousness while I remained in his grip but without wasting any breath and time he hastily lifted me up and dropped me on the bed. 

“Heichou wai-“ I finally managed to say before Levi’s lips shrouded mine. He grabbed my hands and laced his fingers with my own as he continued his rampant kissing. I could hear his small moans and grunts with every bite and peck, his eyes were closed and his pants were immense, my ears were filled with his sounds and I felt myself get intoxicated and dissolved. He kept his pace even after several minutes, for a brief second I separated from him just so I could breathe but he took hold of me again and devoured me. I enjoyed his reaction and affection towards me so much that I felt myself beaming with pride in the process, being someone’s ideal was the most satisfying feeling in the world, I thought. 

My neck, shoulders, and especially my mouth was sticky and swollen by his fanatical lips, he drew away slowly and let go of me, he poised above me with the support from his shaky hands that were placed on both sides of my body. He and I were gasping and my blurry vision finally captured his glowing face, he was sweaty and red and even with this lethargy I yearned for his touch again. The bags under his eyes were much darker than I had remembered and his sapphire blue gaze started to make me heat up. He drew in closer but instantly he bellowed in pain and lost balance, he fell on top of me and started to quiver.

“Heichou?! Are you alright!?” 

“Yeah… yeah. I just lost my balance” He murmured into my neck. 

“How long has it been since you last slept? I asked him while I buried my nose in his hair. 

After hearing nothing from him for several seconds I started squeezing him with my arms before he finally gave up and answered. 

“Alright! - It’s been… 6 days since I had a proper rest, satisfied?” 

“Why do you do this to yourself…?” I whispered “Even when you didn’t come in the afternoon to see me I was worried. I started to think the unthinkable because of you.” 

“I’m sorry Eren. I know I should’ve come sooner. But when Hanji came outside my room I was most probably unconscious at the time-“ Levi spoke casually as he rolled over to the other side, he made eye contact and lay down beside me on the small bed. 

“WHAT-?” I screeched. Before I could say any further he placed his warm hand on my mouth that indicated how loud I was. 

“Let me finish. Sigh okay; I had taken some kind of medicine from Hanji which would help me sleep. I had been trying to sleep ever since the battle ended but I failed every time, so much was happening and the lack of sleep was taking its toll on my body and I wanted to make the aching stop. That is why she gave me these strange supplements; unfortunately I had taken a huge amount today and well… I fainted. For a brief moment I believed that I was going to die of my own stupidity, the numbness took over me and I knew that I was gone for sure, but in a strange way I was relieved that the pain was finally gone…”

My chest tightened as he told me how pleased he was when he was hurting and writhing in pain, my eyes were filling up again but I managed to maintain my composure and listen to him. 

“I guess I should take that back now. I would’ve never even tried to sleep if I knew that you were okay, I would’ve regretted it for the rest of my life” he spoke with a small smile emerging on his lips. He brought his hand and traced my cheek; I placed my head in his hands and started tracing kisses on his palm. 

“You could’ve died… why would you do such a thing? It’s reckless and completely selfish” 

“I know.” 

“If you weren’t here when I was then it would’ve been completely pointless.” 

“I know.” 

**“If you were gone then…”**

 **“I know…”**

I hid my face in his hand and I started to shed tears, I managed to hide my eyes but my trembling lips were evident. Heichou started comforting me but I still didn’t feel any better, he hushed and shushed but to no avail. He was constantly saying **‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Eren, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’**

“Heichou…” I finally spoke after weeping for a while; he relaxed his shoulders as he lay on his side and looked at me with an affectionate stare, I give him a small smile in response before I continued. “I may be stupid…” 

“Which you are” he interrupted 

“Heh, just listen!” I chuckle “I may be abrupt and dense and foolish at times, but I’ve finally understood how I feel now, ever since I saw you… I had been drawn to you by this uncontrollable urge. In the beginning I only wanted smaller things from you, like noticing me and appreciating me when I finished work on time. But soon those demands grew, all I could think was more, more and more!... Until there finally came a time when I wanted you as a whole… I knew I was digging my own grave because I was so sure that you would never feel the same connection, and those subdued emotions led to more anger, frustration and loathing towards everything else…” I drew in closer towards his face and pulled him in, he wasn’t startled by my actions and he kept his eye contact as he held onto every word I was saying. “I hated that feeling, but when I came to know that you felt the same… it felt as if all of that pain and despair had never existed. I hated the fact that I was trapped even when I was a child, I hated the fact that I was trapped with these emotions for someone I could never have, I was isolated with this fear that I will never be able to break out… I hated this world for making me feel that way. And I still hate this world because it took everything away from me.” Suddenly I became a little hesitant and I stopped talking as I stared at him like an idiot. 

“Eren, it’s alright. I’m here; just tell me what you’re getting at. Don’t strain yourself too much” Levi amiably spoke as he placed his hand on my back and pressed gently.

“But at the same time, it was the same world where I had met you.” I said as I strained my voice “I’m ready to say my goodbye to the world where I had died, where I felt nothing but pain and anguish, and I’m ready to begin again in this world with you.” 

Levi looked pale and guilty before I had finished my sentence, but now when I look at him he’s radiant and relieved, just like me. His beautiful skin glowed in the dim candlelight and his splendor was drawing me in, he beckoned me to get closer and I did. He placed his forehead on my own and then took me in for a kiss, his lips felt sweeter and softer than it did moments ago. 

“We’ve already begun you shithead” he chuckled before I was drowning in his lips again. I started to laugh while he kept kissing me, somehow telling me to shut up and kiss him back already. 

“I love you Eren” 

“I love you too” 

His engaging pecks were decorated on my body, I managed to kiss him and bite his neck in the process too, and to that he hummed with satisfaction. A few minutes later our drained bodies had given up on us as we kept caressing each other, and we had fallen asleep in each others arms as a result, the cramped space didn’t bother us in any way (well, maybe it did) But I guess we wouldn’t have it any other way. 

**I loved him. I loved him**

 **Levi.**

 **

I’ve began to accept this world. 

Because it is where I found you, shattered and in love. 

And it is where you found me, broken and in love.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this story! I'll try to get better in the future! Thank you so much <3


End file.
